


ph, phantom gays

by soniccspeed



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Multi, Probably ooc, a sort of au kind of youll see..., also theres a lot of gay im so sorry (no im not), haru’s there so, maybe p5 spoilers, so theres that, they are Also aged up a little like most of the gang is outta high school
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 22:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13397460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soniccspeed/pseuds/soniccspeed
Summary: did you want a dumb group chat fic??? uve come to the right place maybe i made this just today and finished most of it right after i BEAT p5 chdhshsb read if u want i dont rlly care,, i do care





	1. oh man oh MAN

**Author's Note:**

> ywah i call protag ren... yeah this is probs gnn be ooc... yeah haru’s username changes daily and its a song rec every time... thats rlly it i dont have anythibg else to say

yuukei yesterday: Funfact: I once saw Ren chug a soda so fast he doubled over in pain

hacker voice: pics or it didnt happen

yuukei yesterday: I didn’t get pics but it was the funniest thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on.

yuukei yesterday: He literally like, doubled over and started sobbing and when I asked what was wrong he shouted, and excuse my language,

yuukei yesterday: “I JUST CHUGGED A SODA FROM AMERICA AND I WANT TO FUCKING DIE”

hacker voice: oh frickin SICK he did mention how hes started getting stuff offa amazon n is getting them now

yuukei yesterday: He shares his poptarts with me!!!

Queen: Tell him he’s treating you right.

yuukei yesterday: I will!!!!!!!!!!!

actual lesbian: where are the boys, anyways? 

actual lesbian: they havent been on all day???

Queen: Last I checked, Yusuke and Ryuji were going over to Leblanc to meet with Ren.

Queen: About what I, sadly, have no info on.

actual lesbian: aw man. :(

hacker voice: let me check i live like two minutes away

! hacker voice left the group chat !

actual lesbian: what if they’re making out?

Queen: I highly doubt that. They aren’t even dating.

yuukei yesterday: They could be! I talk to Yusuke a lot and he only talks about Ren & Ryuji! I showed him a cute pic Ryuji sent me of Ren then a cute picture of Ryuji Ren sent me and he actual started crying!!!

actual lesbian: this is the gayest thing i’ve heard all day

actual lesbian: and i just proposed to shiho

actual lesbian: oh yeah i’m marrying shiho it’s gonna be a long while but

Queen: What!

yuukei yesterday: WHAT!!! Oh my gosh Ann I’m so PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actual lesbian: thank you its why im moving back to america WITH HER MIND YOU after i get done w like a year in college over here

yuukei yesterday: I’m so proud of you I already said that but!!! NXNSNSJXGSOBSISNXIWBW!!!!!!!!

yuukei yesterday: THATS HOW I EXPRESS MY LOVE FOR YOU AND HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU!!!!!

actual lesbian: thank you haru you have saved my life  
Queen: I hope your wedding goes smoothly, Ann. I really do.

actual lesbian: I have such good qpps...

! nyoom joined the group chat !

nyoom: did someone say qpps

actual lesbian: RYUJI!

nyoom: ANN!

Queen: Heterosexuality is a sin.

actual lesbian: SHUSH MAKOTO IT’S MY FIRST QPP AND THE FIRST PERSON I TOLD ABOUT ME BEING GAY AND ME DATING SHIHO SHUT UP

nyoom: i’d die for you ann wtf

! hacker voice joined the group chat !

hacker voice: y’all won’t believe the shit i just witnessed.

actual lesbian: what???

nyoom: oh no oh no oh no

havker voice: STORYTIME! i walk into leblanc and im like where is everyone i knew nobody would be in there today since its raining yeah so i walk upstairs all casually and

nyoom: FUTABA STTTOPP

actual lesbian: oh shit

hacker voice: i walk in and mr chariot planting kisses all over inari’s face and ren had his arms wrapped around inari’s waist and they were just fuckin. cuddling it was some mushy shit

actual lesbian: FUCKING GAY

nyoom: UURUGH

hacker voice: so im like “am i interrupting smth?” and ryuji jumps and falls to the floor, inari’s face turns such a dark shade of red yall dont even know and ren was apparently asleep

nyoom: zjsjsjshsnJDJSKSNZKSMNSNXMS

Queen: Ryuji is dead and Futaba killed him.

hacker voice: yusuke is stuttering and shit and i can barely make out “we’re all dating” and then i left

hacker voice: once again, mushiest shit i’ve ever seen.

! nyoom left the group chat !

actual lesbian: that’s so cute wtf finally

actual lesbian: proud of them

yuukei yesterday: Oh my gosh! That’s so great!

Queen: I agree, it is charming.

Queen: They waited long enough. Ren hit on Ann before he hit on Ryuji, apparently.

! kylo ren joined the group chat !

kylo ren: Untrue.

kylo ren: Lies.

kylo ren: //Slander//.

Queen: Keep telling yourself that.

yuukei yesterday: Oh FRICK!!! DOES THAT MEAN EVERYBODY IN THE PHANTOM THIEVES IS DATING SOMEBODY???!!!!

hacker voice: oh ur right.

hacker voice: how quaint! we r the gay squad  
yuukei yesterday: ?????!!!!!

kylo ren: Do you want me to bring back Ryuji and Yusuke? They’re still here.

actual lesbian: HELL YEAH!

kylo ren: Alright.

! kylo ren added nyoom and microsoft paint to the group chat !

microsoft paint: Oh, hello.

kylo ren: Yusuke, do you have something to tell everyone???

microsoft paint: N... No?

actual lesbian: how’s it feel dating a boy, yusuke? two boys?

microsoft paint: Three.

actual lesbian: WHAT.

microsoft paint: Three whole boys. That’s how many I’m dating.

actual lesbian: i’m sorry i have to leave bye

! actual lesbian left the group chat !

hacker voice: i can’t believe yusuke singlehandedly destroyed ann with one word...

Queen: Nice, Yusuke. You are /almost/ to Ren’s level.  
microsoft paint: I know! Thrilling, is it not?

nyoom: i havent heard shit about this third boy who the fuck?

! microsoft paint left the group chat !  
yuukei yesterday: OH MY GOODNESS...........

kylo ren: I haven’t even heard of a third boy I can’t believe Ann is a Goddess.

hacker voice: i know, right? who woulda thought.

nyoom: shiho woulda thought who are u a shiho hater

hacker voice: DONT SAY I HATE SHIHO IM GONNA GET MURDERED

hacker voice: I’M TERRIFIED FOR MY LIFE UCKING BYE

! hacker voice left the group chat !


	2. This Is A Hold Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> welcome to “regret” hosted by Haru Okumura with star guests yusuke kitagawa, ann takamaki, and akechi goro!

fireflies: Good morning everyone!

Queen: Good morning, Haru. Surprise seeing you awake this early.

fireflies: I fell asleep early last night, Makoto! It’s nothing! 

fireflies: Also known as; I’m hanging out with Yusuke today! I have to get to his apartment quickly and pick him up so he doesn’t go and leave first then buy so many things that it makes me worry for his wallet. He’s recovering from the wallet thing, but still! He still makes reckless mistakes when buying things!

Queen: Ah, I see. Tell him I said hi when you see him. I have to leave early as well. For an entirely different reason, though. It’s for school.

fireflies: Have fun today! I love you! Tell Sae I said good morning!

Queen: You got it. I love you too, Haru.

! Queen left the group chat !

hacker voice: what kinda mushy early morning

fireflies: !! Futaba !!

hacker voice: yo

fireflies: How wonderful to see you! Would you like to come with me to Yusuke’s home today? We’re going out!

hacker voice: ew yusuke’s apartment

fireflies: What’s wrong with Yusuke’s apartment? :(

hacker voice: i looked in his cabinet once to find snacks and only found bean sprouts and i felt like dying

fireflies: PLEASE DON’T DIE I’LL CRY A WHOLE BUNCH

hacker voice: yeah?

fireflies: Y, YEAH?

nyoom: why are you guys on right now ehat thr fuck

fireflies: Ryuji!

hacker voice: obligatory bisexual.

nyoom: please don’t call me out like this

fireflies: How are you, Ryuji?

hacker voice: act like it’s not true all you want but you are the only bisexual in our group

nyoom: i’m fine haru! :)

nyoom: and hmmmmm u right u right

fireflies: Who am I in the group???

hacker voice: uhhh whats ur sexuality again

fireflies: I’m pan, Futaba!

hacker voice: let me make a fucking chart brb

! hacker voice left the group chat !

nyoom: ,,

nyoom: yo, haru

fireflies: Yo, Ryuji!

nyoom: so i uh here youre visiting yusuke today

fireflies: *I take a sippy sip of my tea* Yeah?

nyoom: can i come w???

fireflies: Sure!

fireflies: As long as you aren’t too mushy! He’s my platonic husband for a reason!

nyoom: sick!

nyoom: i’m gonna go ahead and head on over. i got sme stuff to talk abt. see ya later!

! nyoom left the group chat !

fireflies: Hmmmmm I’m alone now...

fireflies: You would not believe your eyes

! justice joined the group chat !

justice: If 10 million fireflies

fireflies: NCHSJSHDKDBISBDJDBDHDO 

fireflies: AKECHI.

justice: Hi.

fireflies: ??!!

justice: I’m sorry if I startled you.

kylo ren: Oh no it’s pancake m

Justice: I will not hesitate.

fireflies: ????!!!!

! hacker voice joined the group chat !

hacker voice: akechi just committed a crime? huh

kylo ren: His crime was stealing my boyfriend’s heart. Square up.

justice: Yeah?

kylo ren: Don’t act like you don’t know what you did...

justice: Yusuke was the one to approach me, Ren. I had no part in this.

kylo ren: I dont need your explanation!

hacker voice: wait hold up

fireflies: Do I need to get out my replica gun I still have it

hacker voice: yes i need everyone who is not akechi or ren to get their old replica guns and hold it up at them bc this is a/hold up/

! actual lesbian joined the group chat !

actual lesbian: i heard hold up

fireflies: Brb I need to get it out of my memories closet

actual lesbian: act like i just used the running emoji

microsoft paint: I already have mine on me. Clearly, we sre the superior group to Akechi and Ren.

justice: Yu. Yusuke.

justice: Darling, sweetheart, I am literally your boyfriend of one month

kylo ren: // ONE MONTH // ?!

justice: Yikes he didn’t tell you??

fireflies: THIS IS A HOLD UP.

actual lesbian: SAY UR PRAYERS, FUCKERS

microsoft paint: Let us beat that rubbish mentality into submission.

justice: Oh god

justice: I can’t even tell anybody that you guys are doing this none of you live with your legal guardians anymore

kylo ren: FUCJ.

! kylo ren left the group chat !

fireflies: Ok now that he’s gone

actual lesbian: thank god

fireflies: Yusuke, Akechi, how’d you start dating???

microsoft paint: It’s lackluster compared to everybody else’s,,

justice: Yusuke, a wonderfully extra person, just the right amount, asked me to be his model, right? I agreed and we did this thing where I had my hair all tied up and I was looking longingly out a window or whatever, yeah? 

microsoft paint: I am not,

actual lesbian: shut up yusuke

justice: So he finishes his sketch and he’s still staring at me and I’m like “Hey, what’s up?” and Yusuke clears his throat and looks away 

justice: and then he says “Would you be opposed to being my forever model? That is to say, my boyfriend?” and I was so taken aback that I didn’t answer then he ran out of the room, his own apartment.

actual lesbian: that’s so... oh my god... oh my God...

microsoft paint: It was spur of the moment and I was so very embarrassed. I ended up running all the way outside, on that note.

justice: I texted him saying I would love to be his boyfriend and, yeah, that’s how that went.

actual lesbian: i cant believe you guys getting together was just as much of a train wreck and shiho and i getting together 

actual lesbian: i leaned in to kiss her at the movies and i bonked our heads together rlly hard and started crying

actual lesbian: i didnt talk to her for a week 

justice: That is considered more of a train wreck in my book. We weren’t even that bad , I believe 

microsoft paint: You didn’t even tell her what happened the day after the fact.

microsoft paint: You leaned in to kiss me but first brought your hand up to cup my cheek but you instead slapped me. It hurt.

justice: I didn’t mean to!

fireflies: He slapped you? Jeez, Akechi! You must’ve been nervous!

justice: How’d you tell

actual lesbian: it seems yusuke and i have dangerous relationships bc that happened to me yesterday w shiho

actual lesbian: not dangerous but ones where u get so nervous u slap someone

microsoft paint: You’re right, Ann. That is exactly how it is.

justice: I can’t believe this...

justice: Ren just burst into my apartment with full phantom gear on like the entire get up and asked me to fight him like a man what do I do

actual lesbian: establish dominance as the superior romancer.

microsoft paint: Beat that rubbish mentality into submission...

fireflies: Put in your earbuds and listen to a Beyonce song nobody can beat you in your game if you’re listening to beyonce, funfact!

justice: Got it, I’ll be right back

! justice left the group chat !

microsoft paint: ,, We may have caused something unnecessary.

actual lesbian: ya think?

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tungle @soniccspeed xxd


End file.
